Coping with Infertility

Submitted by Jenifer on December 20, 2012

Most people underestimate the grief, guilt, and anxiety felt on learning about one’s infertility. For couples, especially women, it can be difficult to come to terms with the reality, and feelings of anger and shame start to take over. It is important to understand that these feelings and emotions are normal but its best to fight them, always remembering that you are not alone!

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Acknowledge emotions

Remember that the emotions you feel are not unreasonable, but it is important to acknowledge and come to terms with your feelings. Some emotions that most people experience with infertility are:

  • Denial – This is a common reaction when faced with unfortunate news. People give themselves false hope, by refusing to come to terms with the problem.


    The longer the stage of denial, the more time it will take for one to seek medical help. It is alright to want a second or third medical opinion but realizing that there is a problem can help you deal with charting out other options.
  • Anger – Anything and everything could make you angry. You might start hating yourself for not being able to shake away your weaknesses. Coping with anger is hard but the sooner you get through the stage the better. Anger creates negative energy and it will get overwhelming, if not dealt with soon.
  • Jealousy – The sight of couples walking or playing with their kids might make you jealous.
  • Guilt – If one partner is infertile, guilt may consume that person. The thought of not being able to give the other partner the joy of parenthood, could increase feelings of guilt.
  • Shame – Men and women alike may feel inadequate. It is common for women to feel less feminine and men to feel less virile.
  • Helplessness – The fact that infertility may be something that is beyond your control can make you feel helpless.
  • Loss – Feelings of losing out on being a parent can bring on grief.

Recognize these feelings. Maintain a diary, writing down whatever you may be feeling. It could help vent out these debilitating emotions. The psychological impact of infertility can easily manifest into health problems.

Seek support

Keeping your feelings bottled up will drain you emotionally, and make you feel alone. Share your thoughts and emotions with people who can comfort and give you the support you need to face your problems. You can seek professional counseling, find support groups, online forums, and talk to loved ones about your fears and feelings.

Get rid of depression

Depression can engulf you, and if severe it can prevent you from doing normal day-to-day tasks. You may feel tired, sad, anxious, and numb. Getting out of bed may seem impossible at times, and you may not want to talk or take part in any activities due to low energy levels. Depression can leave you feeling immobilized and routine chores become difficult. Try and do things that you like. Listen to your favorite music, start a hobby, go out on walks, and take professional help.

Communicate with your partner

Talk to your partner about your feelings. Let him or her know how the experience is affecting you. This will help them deal with your emotions better. Women and men have different approaches to coping with stress. Men may not be open to sharing their feelings while women can express themselves more. Talking about the feelings and ways to overcome it with your partner will help you get through the situation.

Improve sex life Timing sex according to the ovulation cycle can negatively impact spontaneity and enjoyment factors. Men may find it hard to get aroused on demand, and women may experience pain during sexual encounters. While sticking to your doctor’s advice is the right way to go, you can make those times special, like surprising your partner with a romantic interlude or indulging in role plays. Look for ways to avoid sex becoming routine and boring bore. Be in touch with each other's emotions and feelings. While getting pregnant is important, don’t let yourselves forget the joys of physical intimacy.

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